Body shaming

Growing up with dark skin, most of the time, I felt offended when people compared my skin color. It's really sad when people always classify fair skin as beautiful and the other as opposite. In my humble opinion, I think this is unfair. People with same color tone as me tend to buy whitening products to make them look brighter. Back in 1990s or even now, people still have the same mentality. They even include this 'bias sentiment' in commercials to promote their products, what a shame.

Fast forward to the years I lived in USA, I felt so much alive in that country. Though racism towards African Americans still lingers, they are always proud and confident with their skin colors. And I adore their energy. They taught me that you can still be beautiful no matter how you look like. Beauty is defined from within. 

After 4 years in USA, I no longer worry about my skin color. I accept the way it is and I just focus on improving my skin health (use the right products, going for facials) and I put more attention on my teeth. My teeth construction also pulled me down at times, so I get them fixed so that I can smile more confidently. Honestly, I love smiling even when my teeth were not in the best 'appearance'. One day, an uncle told me that I have an infectious smile back in Arizona.. and since then I never hold back my smiles. 

My skin color, skin condition and my teeth/ my jaw constructions are the things that sometimes hindered me from being better version of myself. My self esteem went down but slowly, I've learned that as long as you have good brain & heart, people will always find value in you. And I hold on to that. I even thought that I will marry nobody since I don't look that attractive. Well, I met Fitri after I've done a lot of improvement on my appearance, so I am not quite sure what he thinks of me if we meet before, haha. 

The current things that I am working on right now are my fitness and my weight. I was skinny before I got married and I am slowly losing that. I've gained about 5 kilos and I am trying to shed off some kilos before I get bigger. It's a lot harder these days  but I will try my best. Though my friends keep telling me that I look better like this (which I kinda agree at times, haha), I know deep down I still want to go back to my old weight.

All in all, there will always be something that we're not happy with, with regards to our look. It can be skin color, size, weight, or height. Our physical 'assets'. I still believe in 'dont judge a book by its cover', that we should always go for deeper connection. Never the less, 'dress to impress' is always applicable. However, with regards to the mind setting of human being, it's unfortunate that the culture always have its own stigma, they have defined the term beauty. And if we are 'lucky' enough to be different, we fall in the black list. I really don't understand why people would opt for so many chemicals just to look fair. Perhaps next time I will write on make ups. Till then, goodbye.